A life update from a forever member of the Project, and our favorite Director of Photography: Joseph "Jo King" Gonzalez.
"If you had the opportunity to start your life over, would you? Would it be an easier or harder question to answer if I told you that you will still remember everything you had beforehand? Is there something you’re trying to avoid? Are you hoping to try again with a new strategy? Or do you just like chaos? There is something chaotic about making such a drastic decision. There’s also something so beautiful about taking control of your life in that way. Close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to feel born again. Some people find that thrilling, others find it paralyzing. For me, I think it’s both, equally, which is why I recommend trying it at least once.
Will Smith famously said, “the best things in life are on the other side of terror.” He talks about the time he jumped out of an airplane for the first time. The night before, you keep waking up over and over again regretting your decision. The slow ascent up to 10,000 feet makes you hate your friends for talking you into doing this. The instructor throws you out at the count of 2 because people panic on 3. The next second, miraculously, you’re no longer afraid. You realize all that time before jumping, there was actually nothing to be afraid of, because now, you feel nothing but absolutely bliss. Not sure if he felt that way after slapping Chris Rock, but I digress.
I was raised in Orlando, Florida. A great place to grow up and get really tan. I graduated high school in 2015. Actually, I should say I nearly failed high school in 2015 because I passed by the skin of my teeth with a 61.1% in History, a mere 0.6% away from a big fat F for “you’re a failure and you disgraced the family name.” What can I say? I prioritized my passion for theatre over my academics. I’d say I did pretty well finding opportunities to be on stage soon after clinching my diploma. At some point, my two best friends, Hector and Franco, and I did a children’s Sunday service theatre show at our local church. Through that program, we were invited to perform in a multi-media anti-bullying musical for middle and high schools. It was one of those seminars you’d get to miss an hour from class to see in your auditorium. The kicker to this offer was that it would be touring parts of New York, my end-goal destination. Was I just about to achieve my goals this quickly? I don’t think I even finished the email when I wholeheartedly decided I was going to do it. A week later, I was on a plane to LaGuardia Airport and started a new life.
The guys and I had a blast, but the show only lasted 3 months, and those 3 months came and went in an instant. I didn’t think this far ahead when I made my decision, and now I was at another crossroads. Do I go home like everyone else or press my luck and stay in New York? No whammies, no whammies, no whammies! Without much time and a studio audience at the edge of their seats, I told the guys (behind flooded eyelids) “I’ll see you when I see you,” and stayed in New York. At that point, I was mooching off a family I hardly knew and making $50 a week working at Wendy’s, but I was cast as the lead in a musical I really loved, so I didn’t care; I’d do anything and almost everything for my passions. When that show came to a close, lo and behold, another fork in the road. In a rare, mature matter, I realized I was too young and inexperienced to take on the big city and I missed my family. This time, I decided to move back home.
After about a year and a half of working hard, doing more and more theatre, I felt a calling. I felt a little whisper in my ear saying, “you’re destined to do more.” You’d be shocked that the person who should have failed school but didn’t was heavily considering receiving a higher education. A long rabbit hole of research led me to the TV Production & Radio bachelor’s degree offered at Brooklyn College. I knew I had to go back. I never once thought Orlando would be my resting place, just a transitional space until I found my way back to the Big Apple. I applied and got accepted to college, luckily had a friend who was also moving to New York around the same time and offered me a futon and $200 rent to pay. I’d do anything and almost everything for my passions, so I said goodbye once more, and with $50 to my name, moved, for good, back to New York.
Brooklyn was my home for 7 years, so I won’t bore you with every detail, but it’s where I had nothing for a long time and then had more than I could ever ask for for even longer. Early on, I convinced Hector and Franco to move back, and we ended up taking over my apartment, growing as close as we could as friends — close like the three of us sleeping in one full-size bed for a couple of months close. Although we were reunited, I felt lost. I ended up not going to school to prioritize making sufficient money to live there. I made such a big decision and I took it as seriously as considering homelessness as long as I still pursued my dreams, so feeling lost didn’t stop me. In fact, it pushed me to go even further.
Thanks to Franco perusing songwriting and producing and needing people to film his music videos, I found a new passion in filmmaking; but, like many artists, I felt tremendously inadequate. I was very blessed to be introduced to Anthony of Project Feel, who had the same vigor as us. Anthony and Project Feel led all of us, including himself, to fill everything and everyone with love. That mantra meant so much to me at the time and still does to this day. Through many life-changing experiences and the endless opportunities to create, I became more and more confident as a filmmaker. The pandemic hit, and it sparked a flame under all of our butts to keep going. We never let anything stop us up to that point, and it wasn’t going to end there. In the summer of 2020, Project Feel made their first short film with me as their Cinematographer and Editor. The trust given to me was a huge undertaking, an immense privilege, and the affirmation I needed to continue growing in my craft.
From then on, we were unstoppable. For the first time since moving back, I felt unstoppable; and I didn’t stop. The pandemic was lightening up, and I promised myself to try to make filmmaking my full-time profession; and I did. For almost 3 years, I freelanced on many TV shows and documentaries from TLC, A&E, and the Food Network to Showtime, Hulu, and HBO. I felt like I was on top of the world. All of my hard work, dedication, and, most importantly, patience paid off. Needless to say, my ego got pretty big, I’ll admit, and I didn’t fully recognize it until the writer’s strike happened and all our jobs were lost; and, once again, so was I.
Having my career swept from under me sent me into a spiral, to put it lightly. For context, these workdays were usually 12-hour days, and sometimes, I wouldn’t have a day off in weeks. With that kind of lifestyle, there was a lot I missed out on: birthdays, dates with my partner, and other social activities. Then there was a lot I was neglecting: the connection with my friends, the cleanliness of my space, my finances, and my overall health. These realities hit me like an 18-wheeler barreling down the highway, the driver asleep, and even if he woke up, the brakes didn’t work, and it was headed straight for me. For most of my life, I felt like it was going my way, but I was blind to what was truly important in life. Sure, a great job that you love is a huge win, but at the cost of ignoring other major factors in life, that was no longer a price I was willing to pay. So, like every time I faced hardship in the past, I knew I needed to make another change.
For almost 10 years, I had the dream and lived it: to be in New York, follow my passions, learn from the best, and be proud of my sacrifices. That is what life meant to me for a long time. Today, life means so much more than a great career and having fun with friends. In December of 2023, I decided it was time to move back to Orlando, the place I swore to myself I’d never return to, and made the transition an excruciating 5 months later. I did so because I had new goals. All that neglecting I did in the past reared its ugly head and said, “I’ve always been here. Stop ignoring me.” It was a never-ending game of peekaboo. Just when you thought it’d stay behind the veil, HELLO, still here! You know what? I’m actually going to deal with this, once and for all. My goals were to reconnect with my family, get out of crippling debt, and prepare the grounds to plant a new tree of life, start a family, and live for others besides myself.
I’ve now been in Orlando for 4 months, and I gotta say, this is the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. No longer am I waiting for the next big opportunity, no longer am I rushing to get ahead because I was so behind, and no longer am I chasing a dream. I am building the dream brick by brick by brick. I’ve found my family again, I found peace again, and I found God again, who I realize has always stood by me every step of the way. I credit my entire life to Him.
Let’s say you book a skydive for next month. Every day leading up to that date takes mental work in preparation for your descent. But you scheduled it, now it just takes commitment. Some people are afraid to make a big change in their lives. You’re right! It is scary; but, the best things in life are on the other side of terror. If you recognize change needs to be made in your life, I implore you to (figuratively) jump out of that plane. I now know this is a natural occurrence in life and it shall not be strayed away from or ignored. I changed my life and was reborn three times now, and if I’ve shared my story well enough, I hope you see and feel that you can do it too."
- by Joseph "Jo King" Gonzalez
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